I try..

Ever since I started being a uni student, I'm never an ideal student, I still submit my assignments/reports on time, but the amount of effort I actually put in is minimal. It's because of my habit of doing work last minute. I'm never the type of person that will plan ahead, I'll only start planning when I realised time is running out and that's when I have to juggle assignments and reports AND tests/exams and outings. And that's when I will go through the worst phase of my life - STRESS. I'm not even good in handling stress, I'd just hide myself or the alternate ways I could cheer myself up are eat and shop. (But not too excessively of course, impulse-shopping leads to broke for the following month and also if I eat alot I'll start regretting. HAIHH LIFE.) Seriously, who would like being stressed, but the thing is I've never learned from all my past-experiences.

This is my 7th semester in uni, which means I have gone through 6 semesters of last minute works. I have never really changed the way I work on assignments and study for exams, cramming for exams to be exact. The reason is, I've been 'pampered' this way. Every single time I thought I would just score a Pass, but I always end up scoring H2 (70 and above). I'm not trying to be boastful. I just always managed to score more-than-average result, that is why. I don't even think I deserved my results but I just got it anyway. (Not ALL the time, but mostly.) Up till last 2 semesters, I got my first Pass, but that hasn't make me change, since the other three units were still satisfying.

Then there, it was last semester, I failed a subject. Yes, I failed. The minute when I walked out from the exam hall, I already knew it won't be a result I am looking forward to know. Result released few weeks after exam when I was in Central Aus, I still checked anyway - 1F, 1P and 2 H2A. I wasn't too shocked, I would've already know I did not do well, I thought I be lucky enough to secure a Pass. But I didn't. The feeling was undescribable, I was depressed, but couldn't much reveal it because I was in the camp. I texted my mum about it, and she thinks I'm joking wtf. Seriously I thought failure would never be something I have to come across, but this proves that the worst could happen if you don't work hard for it. My advise is, don't ever ever ever have that sure-pass thinking! You might, but you might also not. 

I thought I learned my lesson, I really thought I did, but few days ago I see myself doing the same old last minute study for my Calculus test this morning. It strikes me that - I'm still behaving the same. Then it was last night, I still have a topic to go through and it was already past midnight and my test was 11 this morning. I forbid myself to sleep late so I just went to bed, then i broke down wtf. T_____T

I think it lasted an hour or so, as I wiped away tears I started to think about the worst. I keep imagining scenarios that would happen at worst. Then I also realised I'd have to deal with these all alone. For the past few days I had to study for my test, so I stayed at home most of the time. I only go out to get coffee/food/groceries. Initially I don't find the problem about living my life on my OWN, I'd dine in the cafe/restaurant alone. For about 3 days, I had my breakfast, lunch and dinner just myself. It hits me that, to be honest, this is not making me happy. I do like to enjoy my own time occasionally, but to deal with stress alone is simply terrible. Then I cried even more wtf. T______T 

IT'S OKAY! IT SOUNDS SO PATHETIC BUT I AM NOT. I think I just need a change of my lifestyle, like I should develop a hobby and do more things I enjoy doing. BUT for instance, I super like to go karaoke, but where got people wanna entertain me fml. I try to be optimistic, but at the end of the day, everything doesn't seem to work and hence my optimism level always disappoints me!

Anyway after all I'm not a pessimist, as I've always believe there's ALWAYS a rainbow after the rain! So if good things happen, I DESERVE IT. But if really unlucky or bad events happen, I will tell myself I would see DOUBLE or TRIPLE rainbow in the future! I also believe that when God takes something from you, in return He will give you something. :)
  
P/S: September is a busy month! Juggling between studies and planning for holidays! Hehe :)